How to Act Utterly “Normal”

Ever feel like you don’t fit in?

That your quirky, sarcastic, or mature attitude doesn’t match others in your generation and all you want to do is just be normal. But what does normal even mean? The Oxford Dictionary defines normal as, “Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected” So for those who are ready to fit in, I’ve made a complete step by step guide to becoming utterly “normal”.

Step 1: Have any cool physical features? Get rid of them.

Have you got freckles, curly hair, piercings, tattoos, a curvy figure, a double-jointed body part, colored eyes or hair, an interesting birthmark, vitiligo, albino, dark complexion, or no thigh gap? All of those traits are huge problems when trying to be normal. Please hide, cover, erase, or change these features. It’s important to not make other’s feel offended, uncomfortable, or upset because of what your body looks like. If you don’t change, you make be subject to unwarranted criticism, judgments, or “advice” to help you conform to a more normal standard. How helpful.

Step 2: Stop being talented

Diversity is not a strong suit when it comes to acting normal. Drawing attention to yourself or having a special talent is downright frowned upon in a normal society. Forget about being a contemporary graffiti artist, an activist, or even an entrepreneur. Focus on finding a normal 9 to 5 job building up someone else’s dreams in a bland office, stuck talking about the weather for the twelfth time that day. That way you will always have a typical, normal day that’s free from spreading your unique ideas and potentially changing the world. Perfect!

Step 3: Don’t Show Emotion. Ever.

You should have a smile on your face every second of every day. You wouldn’t want someone to think that you had a rough day or that you’re “weak”. As women, we should always be smiling. At least that what all the catcallers say when we walk down the street, right? If you need help don’t ask. If you need to have a heart to heart with someone, buy a journal. If you're angry, be passive aggressive until they get the hint, but don’t ever be emotional. It may prompt someone to reluctantly ask, “What’s wrong?” and make them uncomfortable with your show of raw emotions. Then you’ll have to put on that smile again and comfort them when you’re the one who needed comforting in the first place. So, avoid the chaos and just turn that frown upside down no matter what!

Step 4: Agree with Everything

Is that one uncle talking about how climate change isn’t real and vaccines cause autism again? You better agree with him! You wouldn’t want to cause a ruckus by showing how knowledgeable you are on prominent topics. Dumb yourself down to other’s levels so they’re not intimidated by your expertise. You’re just a young woman who should sit down and let the men doing the talking. Instead, talk about a new recipe you learned or how to clean the house faster so you still have time to make a full dinner. That’s ways more interesting, right?

 

And there you have it. Four tips that will surely help you act normal in no time!

 

Tired of the Bullshit? Yeah, me too

Obviously, I don’t want you to take any of the advice listed above, in fact, that’s the exact opposite of what I want you to do and what this blog stands for. Differences should be celebrated and tolerated with a healthy respect for other’s personal lives. None of us will ever be normal because normal does not exist. Have you ever noticed something about the phrase, “Acting Normal?” The word ACTING is in it, which means that the personality you’re showing is temporary and consciously acted out. So, if normal is a forced act, how can you be your true, authentic self? We’ll be talking about that in the next post. For now, celebrate your differences because that is what makes you stand out amongst the crowd. Stay weird my friends!!!