Guest Post: 5 Tips to Gaining Confidence
“There is only one thing that makes a dream
impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
Lacking confidence is something that everybody deals with on a daily basis. Some of us though, have been dealing with it since we stepped out of the womb, and we never fully blossomed past the tadpole stage. Don't fret little tadpoles, it is never too late to grow your little flappers. That is what I'm here to tell you today because being confident is a huge step for any individual to start following their dreams, which will ultimately lead to living a happy and fulfilling life. Confidence is the key to becoming the person you know you want to be but are too afraid to become. If you are someone that has been struggling in the confidence department and are ready to take the leap of faith, keep reading and I promise you that the information that I will be giving you is as solid as it comes.
A lot of you may be asking yourselves " well how do I become confident when I don't even know where to start?" That, my friends, is something we all have in common. I'm sure you've heard of the phrase "fake it 'till you make it" and girl (man), that's exactly what you should be doing. EVERYBODY deals with lack of confidence at some point in their lives, some people are just really good at hiding it and moving past it. So stop crying over the fact that you don't look like the Instagram models you follow, stop wondering why your life isn't as amazing as those travel bloggers that you see gallivanting from country to country, and stop groveling over the fact that you have no sense in style. The reality of it is that the more you set your self aside from those people you crave to be like, the farther you are from actually becoming like them. By that I mean, do what sets your heart on fire and stop with the comparisons! The key is to start acting like you are one of them, start putting in work and once again fake it 'till you make it! One day you'll be looking back to the days you where you were playing pretend and realize " Holy crap! This isn't pretending anymore!"
There are two main emotions we as human beings feel, which are fear and love. The funny thing is that although one of them is a figment of our imagination, that's the emotion we are all most attuned to. We fear rejection, we have the fear of not being good enough, and most importantly we have the fear of failing. What we all fail to realize is that fear comes from two places, the past and the future, and last time I checked neither of those exists right now at this point in time, or in any point in time for that matter. The past is gone and the future has yet to arrive, now unless you're a psychic of some sort, you will never know the outcome of your actions until you have planted your front foot on the ground. That right there is where the fear starts to set in, the fact that we will not know where our actions will lead us and it's even scarier when it comes to something that we have our heart set on.
Now you may be asking yourself "why the heck should I listen to you?" Well, the reason I am so confident in writing about lack of confidence is mainly because I was a prisoner to the fear of accomplishing my dreams, and claiming my space in this world not too long ago too! The thing is that I lacked so much self-esteem that I started to notice how crippling it was to my overall happiness, my mental health and even my posture! Yes, my posture! I know it sounds crazy but I noticed that every single time that I would start feeling nervous or shy, my shoulders would round in, my gut would stick out and the slouching was so exaggerated my back started to feel the sadness, and it would later translate the sadness into pain; uncomfortable and inexplicable pain. With that being said, FIX YOUR POSTURE! Sometimes it takes a simple step like that to start you on your way to being a confident and radiant woman.
Stop being your own worst enemy and start putting yourself first! Once I decided that enough was enough and I was ready to take my confidence to the next level, I noticed that I was the only person putting myself down. In retrospect the people that are hating on you will never have the actual guts to put you down directly, so why is it so easy for you to do it to yourself? Yes, you will hear people talking about you behind your back here and there, but if you haven't noticed, people will talk whether or not you're doing what you love. So what the heck? Might as well jump the gun right? I mean, not doing things for the fear of being judged only really affects you, it doesn't make people like you any better. So what are you actually scared of? Failing? Well, let me tell you that failing isn't a bad thing at all, and everyone should deprogram that from your brain right now!
Failing is a step forward. Failing is actually many steps forward. How, you may ask? Well the more you fail the more you start finding out your own unique way of doing things. The more you fail the more you get to know yourself. The more you fail the more ways you find of getting to where you want to get. If it scares you, that means it's worthwhile, which ultimately means it will help you grow. So don't fear. Start inviting fear into your life because you're only really scared of things you secretly really want. Fear is what reminds you that you are alive and if you run from it, well you aren't really living are you? So I would like to take a moment and try a little exercise with you. I know it may seem dumb to some but don't knock it till' you try it! Okay, close your eyes, take deep breaths and repeat after me. " I am strong, I am beautiful, I am confident" and continue to say that to yourself in between breaths. Say it until you're tired of saying it then close your eyes and look at yourself in the mirror and say it one more time. " I am strong, I am beautiful, I am confident!" End it with a smile and repeat it every day. Trust me it works. We are so used to judging ourselves that we fail to realize we never really compliment ourselves. Yes, even you girls that are already thinking that the exercise won't work because you don't believe it, well uhm don't forget the fake it till' you make it part! I know it's a lot to take in but that's okay, at first you will feel overwhelmed and that's okay too. So to ease your mind lets review!
1. Put yourself first!
And no that does not make you a selfish person! Putting yourself first simply means that you are entitled to have your own thoughts and opinions regardless of what someone else may think or feel.
This one has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. I grew up as an extremely strong empath, which means that I can feel how the people around me are feeling ALL THE TIME. It also doesn't help that I have this weird inclination to have everyone like me. Those two combined have made it really hard for me to make a mark of my own in this world. But fear not because it can be done!
Practice saying no. Saying no is okay, you are not offending anyone by making decisions for your own personal growth. Your friends will get over it, you will be happier, and the people that are really bothered by the idea of you sticking up for yourself will start melting off your energy like butter. I know it sounds scary and as soon as you're about to speak up your heart starts racing and you feel as if your whole body is starting to shake, but start get used to that feeling because that my friend is the feeling of growth. Push past that feeling and you will see that your happiness is on the other side. Trust me you can do it!
2. Fix your posture!
This is one of the single most important steps in feeling confident! How you look says a lot about how you are feeling inside. And no I am not speaking about if you look hot or not; I'm speaking about the fact that when you feel tired and sad or anything negative you allow your body to give up. You allow it to stop fighting gravity and in turn literally make you feel pain as I explained earlier.
Confident people like looking up, standing tall and being seen. They aren't scared of making eye contact, they know there place in this world so they walk up nice and tall ready to take the world by its horns. If that's how you want to feel, FIX YOUR POSTURE! Whenever you feel your body giving up, remind yourself that you are a force to be reckoned with and the world will have to make room for you!
3. Stop comparing yourself to others!
Like I stated earlier, that means stop going through your Instagram wishing you were like the people you follow. Stop stalking people and wishing you had their lives and stop thinking that if you were like them your life would be better. The reality of it is that YOU WILL NEVER BE LIKE ANYONE ELSE! And trust me that's a good thing. Being unique is the reason so many people you follow have made it big. So be uniquely you. BeYOUtiful! Too corny? Pfftt nah.
4. Start inviting fear into your life!
I know I know it probably seems like I said that throughout the entire blog post, and I have. I am not kidding with this one! It is THE MOST important step to gaining your confidence. It will help you stand up for yourself because you will no longer fear not being liked by someone. It will help your personality stand out because you will no longer fear the judgments of others, and most importantly it will help you chase your dreams because you will no longer care about the negativity that people will try and direct towards you for doing something they wish they were doing. Make fear your bitch and take control of your life, don't let it control you.
5. Start inviting fear into your life!
I know I know it probably seems like I said that throughout the entire blog post, and I have. I am not kidding with this one! It is THE MOST important step to gaining your confidence. It will help you stand up for yourself because you will no longer fear not being liked by someone.
It will help your personality stand out because you will no longer fear the judgments of others. Most importantly it will help you chase your dreams because you will no longer care about the negativity that people will try and direct towards you for doing something they wish they were doing. Make fear your bitch and take control of your life, don’t let it control you.
I will end it with a little story. I once secretly hated myself so much that I couldn't stand being around people because I thought that they were all judging me, yet I would hang out with people anyways because I needed to feel like people liked me and wanted to hang out with me. Until one day my mom gifted me a book called "The Alchemist." That book inspired me to start creating the life I wanted for myself by realizing that my past should not define me. I then decided to embark on my most life-changing journey, walking the Camino de Santiago from France to Spain with two friends. Something that I had always wanted to do but was too scared to do. It changed my perspective on life. I got closer to my spirituality and closer to myself. That first scary leap ended up being the most rewarding experience, which later leads to more scary steps like dancing onstage at a deep house concert/festival and doing something I ALWAYS wanted to do which was model (P.S. I love it, its fun!) and finally and most important, it lead me to writing this blog post, creating my brand name and creating my blog the right way, not the half-ass way that I was doing it before. I am happier and still scared but not scared enough to stop. So I guess I'll really end it with a question. What are you doing today that will take you one step closer to the you, you dream of being?
Lybys Geovanna Zambrano is a blogger who loves helping others find their passions ad become exponentially happier. As she enjoys the process of discovering herself everyday, she's sharing what she's learned into order to help other do the same